Reflections

Reflecting upon re-reading the introduction to this course:

“Only by drawing often, drawing everything, drawing incessantly, that one fine day you discern to your surprise, that you are rendering something in its true character.” Camille Pissarro

• The realisation that drawings are exploratory and don’t have to be perfect was quite a revelation for me but also a challenge and I still find it challenging to ‘explore’ via my drawing rather than ‘accomplish’ or ‘finalise’ something. That said, I have definitely had inspiring moments of realisation like this where I captured something that really speaks to me or that I really came across due to being loose and experimental with my drawing.

“The key aspect of practice in any kind of drawing is the development of your own observational and creative skills and the confidence that comes with those skills.”

• Thinking about this is particularly poignant now I have finished the portraits and figures in Part 5 – the hardest to get right but also, for me, the richest amount of information and detail and difference across figures, poses and facial features – this really taught me a lot about capturing form. Breaking down into tones, forms, proportion etc. to capture a figure or a portrait was really interesting.

“The activity of drawing is an immediate conduit between us and something else; it produces a state of mental absorption, a place where we can become lost in our thoughts, where time is measured in marks, rubbings, crumbs of charcoal, smuts on our fingers, drips and spills of inks and washes, watercolour stains, oily streaks and smears of sticks and bars.”

• I couldn’t agree more with this and yet I also feel frustrated sometimes by how long drawings take to do – mainly because I get myself wrongly lost in detail and less able to go with my gut or the flow. I think this is also related to my impatience in general and the conflict between my perfectionism and my love of excitement, rapid drawing and flow. These latter elements are what I am trying to cultivate more and challenges me the most – it links to this aspect of ‘flow’ that we get and I also see a certain therapeutic value and satisfaction out of applying myself and producing something that is uniquely mine – and very different from my normal work day.

“The activity of making a drawing is an extraordinary fusion of many factors and choices (…) Practice helps us edit these choices, but in the beginning it seems complex and very challenging.”

• I still struggle with this a lot! I take a while to decide what to do, almost procrastinate and do lots more thinking and research and then as soon as I put pencil to paper I get much more into a state of flow and exploration. I have had to try to not be put off or intimidated by choices and really tried to listen to my tutor who told me that when I took charge of my own learning and thus made specific choices about what to do it really worked for me.

“Practice also helps us engage in a meaningful way with the act of drawing and helps us re-learn how to really see the world. It changes our view and, importantly, it begins to undo preconceived notions of what ‘good drawing’ is. A good drawing is not only measured by accuracy or attractiveness; it is also elusive, fascinating, sometimes disturbing, with an energy that reaches out towards the viewer, raising questions beyond those on the surface.”

• Good drawing – apparently I am a precise drawer, which means I strive for exactness and neatness and thus it’s much easier to see mistakes. Yet I got some good feedback on the more abstract textures and drawings I have done. I still feel like I need to explore more of that so I can loosen and relax and forget about good drawing and just draw what I see, feel and explore. This is very much a work in progress for me. That said, I also observe the world around my slightly differently the more I have drawn outside or taken photos pruposefully for my art. I start to analyse what I think I could manage, what could be an interesting drawing or composition, how light is falling or shadows cast and interesting texture or the use of colour in the world in general and this is a nice exercise that I find myself doing more automatically and with great pleasure.

“You can get an idea of what’s meant by a personal visual language by looking at some images by the following artists from different art historic moments, each working in a very different style, but each very firmly absorbed in the activity of drawing: Leonardo da Vinci, Käthe Kollwitz, Cy Twombly and Jenny Saville.”

• I realised I hadn’t looked into the last three artists so I have done so now:

• On Käthe Kollwitz: I am very intrigued by the way she often used hatching and lines to capture faces and expressions. I need to try this more as when doing general tone with pastel or pencil, I think it constricts me into a too accurate and less impulsive way of mark making.

• On Jenny Saville: A lot of her work reminds me of going to figure drawing and being challenged by drawing constantly moving figures. Some really fun gestures and very messy mark making which was fun! Yet Saville has an ordered messy that is quite captivating.

• On Cy Twombly: This goes even more expressive and abstract and what I have often not enjoyed with contemporary art – but this is related to my narrow way of seeing drawing and ‘good drawing’.

“Do whatever suits you and your life.”

• When I have done this, and tried to be more myself and took over my decisions in a way I felt comfortable and inspired, this really made a difference for me. Yet previous teaching in art at school then my current career have made me very structured – which is both a good and a bad thing. With the years I have grown in confidence to carve my own path in work and life and now doing this in my creativity is a challenge and a joy at the same time.

“Mark-making is an essential aid to thinking, writing and drawing as they cross over, become conjoined, one in the other.”

• This makes me think back to the surprising feedback I got from my tutor who understood my structured way of doing things and my writing skills and how I enjoyed mapping out information and challenged me to figure out a way to use mapping more creatively. I have yet to figure this out in work practice but I am very intrigued by it. I started this course to see how I could bring enhance my drawing skills as part of a broader objective to bring more creativity into my life because it makes me excited and happier. I also wanted to bring drawing, imagery, illustration into my more analytical, research, writing and structuring of information approach and I still need to keep reflecting on this.